It will be two years, in two months. Two years since the pandemic started, followed by a mass shooting at a beloved after school hangout and grocery store, and then a New Year’s horrifically, devastating fire that has affected everyone we know, political turmoil, and literally everyone getting COVID now… I don’t want to think about what will be next.
Our community has taken a beating. The losses have perpetuated, it’s not weird to wear a mask anymore, and the impact has been deep. Many children and adolescents, as well as adults, have reported not only increases in anxiety with social anxiety, contamination fears, and panic attacks being reported being the most prevalent, as well as depression, suicidal ideation, and lonlieness. I’ve also been seeing, never seen before incidences, of clients describing a range of dissociative symptoms, including depersonlization and derealization. Thankfully kids have been consistently back in school. That has been a major relief, but, many have struggled with catching up academically, and describe feeling “awkward and weird” in social situations, with tremedous fear of rejection and embarrassment (classic social anxiety magnified times a lot). Kids were the best as far as being compliant with mask wearing. They are so sweet and simply forget they have them on (ok, not all of the time.) We got back to group activities and thankfully, our community has a high vaccination rate.
The shooting at King Soopers in South Boulder was terrifying and gut wrenching. Everyone is so thankful it occurred during spring break, that way at least it wasn’t full of kids who frequented it from the neighborhood middle and high schools. But, nonetheless, a shooting that killed 10 happened here. It shook our sense of safety and was a chilling reminder of the gun problem in this country and the reality that it can happen anywhere. So not only have our kids (and us), been dealing with the mental health crisis brought on by the pandemic; but we also got hit with a mass shooting and the collective trauma and grief triggered. The outpouring of flowers, poems, and art, at the site was beautiful and those affected began to grieve these losses. Losses of going to the grocery store to hang out with your friends, buy candy, and walk home. Losses of running out real quick to get a last minute item. Losses of a safe, familiar place where you usually saw a friendly face. The losses build and build. What do we do?
Remember that we can all grieve differently. Those well known stages of grief (shock, sadness, bargaining, anger, acceptance) are not sequential and can repeat themselves in any order. Reach out to others, check on people, even the strong ones, because we all need connection. Practice kindness, this goes not only towards others, but to yourself, while still maintaining accountability. Think about your intentions and your values and ask yourself if you are living your life according to your values. For example, if you value being a connected parent, how are you achieving that? Are you utilizing your resources and taking an honest appraisal of situations? It’s hard to look at ourselves and it’s also one of the most helpful things we can do for not only ourselves, but those in our lives that matter.
Then months and months of intense heat and dryness persisted through the summer, the fall, the winter. We all kind of liked the pleasant conditions, but were also kind of creeped out by it and knew it was not right, and something bad could be coming. I remember thinking to myself “I hope this doesn’t mean the fires this summer will be really bad.”
And then it started, on December 3o, 2021. The morning was so insanely windy. I brought in my patio furniture because I thought it could get blown away. Then late morning we heard a fire had started, the winds persisted, and were reported to be at 100 mph, yep, that is hurricane force. It was so dry. It had been so dry and so hot for months and months. The fire spread so insanely fast, and went straight for the residential areas of Louisville and Superior, two amazing towns, right next to Boulder. The fire ravaged, we started checking on people we knew. Most evacuated and didn’t know if they would have a house when it was over. Some did and some didn’t. People lost their entire homes, with everything, and sometimes even pets. I cannot imagine the horror and devastation of that kind of loss, in that kind of way. Our community was again shocked, shaken, and knocked down again. The stories of families and businesses lost is heartbreaking and the outpouring of support in every form has been incredible. Some kids lost everything, some are displaced, and all together we pick ourselves up, each day, and do the best we can. Let’s remember not to judge and if and when we do (because it’s inevitable), let’s just notice the judgment and let it pass.
There’s no magic formula to speed up the healing process. It’s living day by day, being present, noting our losses, and refocusing our attention to our values and to what we can control in the present moment. Be kind, show compassion, forgive yourself, let the shame go, and know that this will get better, even in the darkest moments, it will get better. We must persevere and see it through and when we come out of this, whenever that may be, we can celebrate that we survived this collective trauma and loss. Don’t underestimate the value of community and let us all get through this together.
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