Worst year ever, obviously… how do we even begin to grapple and cope with all of the profound ways our lives have changed?
Treating clients with anxiety, I was always aware of life’s uncertainty and how when faced with uncertainty we can get overwhelmed, worried, scared, and feel helpless and in reaction to these feelings we believe that we need to know exactly what is going to happen.
One of the main points that I try to help my clients of all ages accept is that life is uncertain and that is because there really is no alternative. I think pre-pandemic we all had a false sense of certainty. Pre-2020 we never thought that the annual traditions we came to expect including spring break, band and gynmastics competitions, gradauations, birthday parties, your favorite summer festivals, back to school, and Halloween would be canceled. 2020 sure has shoved life’s uncertainty into our faces.
We’ve been left in a state of shock, grief, despair, isolation, and depression and cannot yet foresee the long term impact of this chronic stress and loss on our psyche’s and society collectively. Our lives have been completely changed and we know it.
So how the fuck do we get through it? As I said since March 2020, we are all in this together. This is a collective trauma and how we grieve and how we cope will vary, yet it is shared.
Sadly, at the time of this post over 225,000 American lives have been lost to COVID 19 and we know we are at the beginning of the fall spike, simply compare today’s data with the data from the Spanish flu of 1918. We can brace ourselves for more loss. Some of us will face the unthinkable with the deaths of loved ones. More of us will lose buisnesses, kids will experience more academic and social disruption, and as if the pandemic wasn’t stressful enough issues with social injustice and political unrest persist as we fear the loss of our civil liberties, women’s rights, and LGBTQ rights.
It’s a lot for the human race to digest. How can this not be the challenge of our lifetimes? We can hope, or at least I sure do, that when we come out the other end of this that we are changed for the better. I hope that as humans we can rise to truly identifying and reflecting on our values and aligning our actions so that we can overcome this darkness.
As a psychologist, I look at life and the world through a lens of how we percieve, feel, and think about not only situations, but most importantly about relationships. Through my clients eyes, I have seen “anxious thoughts” that include invisible threats that have come true or at least a hell of a lot closer than they ever came true before. I have seen unimmaginable losses that are cruel and unrelenting and I have seen the strength and courage and goodness inside each and every one of us.
If you’re expecting me to write my 6 tips for getting through a pandemic, I’ve got nothing, sorry. It’s taken me several months to get back to my blog. I can tell you it’s a daily struggle to keep my head above water. What I can tell you is what I am trying to apply to myself and my clients so we can make it out the other end of this. Through my clinical work as well as my personal process, I’ve been working to integrate everything I knew about anxiety and mental health treatment before COVID-19 and what new curveballs have been thrown in the mix since this all started.
I think a good starting place is to remember to take one day at a time. We kind of knew it before, but it is so profoundly big right now so let’s face and accept that anything and everything can change in one day. As humans, everyday I see my client’s curiosity and intellect try to make sense of our inner and outer worlds. However, nothing is certain and that truth doesn’t have to be scary. Once we face it, I think it’s of utmost importance to remember and hold onto the fact and evidence that we can get through anything, no matter what. We are strong, we are resilient, and we will overcome. When our minds start to rocket off into the future and think about all the horrible “what ifs”, let’s remember that thinking way off into the future is classic anxiety. Anxiety loves to take us out of the present moment and our imaginations and worries are pros at this. But bringing it back to the present, while validating our experience, is what we can do and need to do in order to persevere. When you notice that those anxious thoughts take you away, come back to the preseent with a compassionate awareness and kick the judgement to the curb. Remind yourself you will get thought it (Are you catching on? Make it a mantra).
The next super important point to remember and pay attention to is self care. Self care has never been more important and that can mean a lot of things to a lot of different people. Kindness to yourself if key. You don’t have to be a perfect parent, student, teacher, or whatever role you fulfill. No one is perfect and if you can incorporate some grace and flexibility and then we can truly accept ourselves with all our imperfections. We know you are doing your best, even when you don’t think you are.
Access your resources, whether that’s calling your friends, family, or setting boundaries, starting or re-starting your own individual, couples, or family therapy (everyone is doing telehealth now), move your body, eat healthy, drink lots of water, and if you are engaging in self harm behaviors get help.
And lastly, for now, because this is all the brain power I have in the moment, I seek to remind myself to find pleasure in all the little things. There is so much beauty and so much to be thankful for, even when we are grieving. Nuture yourself and others and with this slowed down time and perspective take it all in, don’t ignore the good, and again remember we are collectively grappling, greiving, growing, and changing and we will come out of this stronger, wiser, and change the world for the better.
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