How to Understand and Help Your Teen with Self Injury?

Are you a parent who has learned your child has been hurting him or herself?

Do you have a friend or close partner who engages in self harm behavior?

Are you baffled by self harming behaviors and feel confused about the reasons someone you care about would hurt him or herself?

If so, I can provide you with some ways to better understand this behavior and most importantly give you some tips and helpful ways to respond to someone who is self injuring.

1) I think one of most important things to keep in mind when someone you know is hurting themselves is that they are doing the best they can.

2) One of the main reasons people self injure is because they are under such intense distress that this is literally the only and best way they can come up with, in the moment, to get some relief.

3) If they could do something else and engage in a healthy outlet, that they thought would work, they would probably do it.

4)  Some common misconceptions I have learned in talking to families is that they mistakenly believe their loved one is doing it for attention and manipulation. While these reasons are possible, I have found attention-seeking as a motivation to be pretty uncommon. In fact, most individuals I’ve met will go to great lengths to hide their self injury and are embarrassed and ashamed.

• While self injury can also occur in autistic and low functioning individuals, this is not the type of person I am writing about here.
• In my practice, I am referring to mostly teens and young adults who are experiencing tremendous stress, depression, and conflict and have found self injury to be a relief.
• They actually describe not feeling any pain and feeling relief from emotional distress.
• If you have learned that a loved one is suffering and engaging in self injury, you probably are wondering what you should do and say.

Here are some tips:

1) Remember to be NON-judgmental, concerned, and do not overreact. Do NOT make the person feel ashamed.

2) Get professional help and let the person you care about know that it is OK to talk about these urges and these bad feelings will pass.

3) Instill hope that you believe they can learn to implement other behaviors to relieve stress and tension that are not self harming and with time they will actually feel better.

4) Don’t dismiss or invalidate their feelings. Never tell someone “just get over it” and “just stop”. It is hard and they need kind sensitivity and encouragement to express their feelings and difficulties in other ways. This will take time and patience.

• The tricky thing with self injury is that it is a compulsive behavior similar to other compulsions like substance abuse, shopping, sex, and eating.
• It may feel good at first, but then later will result in guilt and more intense discomfort.
• Different types of compulsive behaviors can run in families.
• Think carefully about what you and other family members do when you feel stressed?
• If you can identify with experiencing different types of compulsive urges and behaviors, you may be better able to have sympathy and empathy for the person you care about and you can try to better understand their predicament.

Self injury is serious and can lead to suicidal thoughts and behaviors as it worsens, gets more out of control, and stops “working” to bring relief.

• Don’t be afraid to check the person’s injuries.
• They may need medical attention and we don’t want wounds to get infected.
• In fact, when people are recovering they may be proud to show that their scars and marks are healing.
• Don’t avoid talking about self injury, address it in a calm, compassionate, non-judgmental way and get help.

Many, many people have stopped self injury so there is hope!

If you want to speak to me about concerns regarding self injury and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) which is a highly effective treatment and form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for self injury, please schedule a Free 10 minute consultation using my online scheduler or call 303-747-4014!