As a parent, the topic of your child’s sleep is probably one that has consumed many hours of your life.
From infancy, we become preoccupied with when, where, how much, and how long did it take your baby to fall asleep.
Simply, the topic of sleep can be exhausting for both children and parents.
Now that your child is older, you may have hoped that sleep problems would be a thing of the past.
However, as their intelligent minds develop, kids prone to fear and anxiety may go through bouts of difficulty with falling asleep, staying asleep, and sleeping in their own beds throughout the pre-teen and adolescent years.
In my practice, this is a common issue I see and treat.
The good news is that kids and parents can definitely get better in how they deal with nighttime anxiety.
Firstly, you may be wondering what is causing this issue. It is always important to rule out other issues such as health problems or mood disorders, like depression or bipolar, as well as social and school problems like bullying and learning problems that can be causes of stress.
When I have determined that a child is suffering from nighttime/ bedtime anxiety, I often see that separation anxiety, meaning fear of being separated from a parent due to excessive worry that harm will come to themselves or the parent, is the root cause.
Now children may be more sensitive to this fear because developmentally they are learning about concepts of death, danger, and suffering in the world and this reality can be overwhelming for them.
Common issues I see are that kids may struggle with can manifest in fears of the dark, monsters, kidnappers, and undetermined house noises that they often believe will result in their own death or the death/ loss of a parent. Behaviorally, kids with this intense anxiety may refuse to sleep in their beds and excessively call out and check on parents over and over and over again. This can be particularly difficult for parents, because seeing your child cry with intense fear and worry can feel heartbreaking.
Here are 7 helpful tips:
1) Keep yourself calm. Do not yell at or punish your child. Don’t tell them to grow up and dismiss their feelings by telling them they are crazy or irrational.
2) Do not play into their fears. While validating their feelings, you can also communicate that you truly believe everyone is safe in the house.
3) Don’t model or encourage excessive checking. If you yourself are anxious and think you forgot to lock the doors, you can do a one time check but don’t do it over and over. Also, don’t go on the search to discover the cause of house noises. Let your child calmly know that houses are noisy, that’s okay, and you don’t need to investigate. Also, remember not to excessively reassure as this can become a seemingly never ending cycle.
4) Don’t model or encourage avoidance. Don’t have your child sleep with you in your bed, don’t sleep with them in their bed, don’t wait in their rooms until they fall asleep. If you do these things, you may be in a pattern of dependency and your child is not learning how to face and extinguish fears independently.
5) Acknowledge, praise, and reward them for being brave.That includes all acts of courage big and small.
6) Instill a strong belief that you know they will get through this and you support them while not giving into worries and fears.
7)Don’t hesitate to get extra support for yourself and your child if this feels like too much. Help is available and it works. Reach out.
If you would like to schedule a free phone consultation to learn more about cognitive behavioral therapy for bedtime anxiety, please click on my online scheduler below.
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