Going off to college is a big step in a young adult’s life.
Not only are you living away from your family from the first time, but you also have significantly less structure in your life than you did in the past.
While it’s great that you don’t have to be in class Monday through Friday from 7am to 3pm, you also have a lot more free time to play, study, relax, and try not to get into trouble with all this new found freedom.
You may be asking yourself why all your friends seem excited, confident, and secure when you may be scared and anxious.
Rest assured, that while yes some of your classmates may look like they have got it all together, many of your peers may also be plagued with doubt and insecurity.
After all, isn’t that what being a teenager is all about?
If you have dealt with anxiety or depression in the past or have recently gone through some major changes like a move, parents divorce, breakup, death of someone close, you may be more vulnerable to having some struggles freshman year.
It is not a sign of weakness at all. It actually takes a lot of strength and courage to deal with these issues.
It is good to know yourself and it’s good to know your resources so that you can get support.
I’ve spoken with many students who get overwhelmed by “What If” thoughts. These thoughts can be very annoying as well as anxiety provoking.
Here are some common examples of anxious thoughts:
What if I don’t like my roommate?
What if my classes are too hard or I choose the wrong major?
What if I miss my family too much?
What if I can’t handle it?
What if I don’t know who I am?
Know that going into a new situation in full of uncertainty. Anxiety loves uncertainty in that it is the fuel that gets anxiety going and can keep it going.
Here are some important ideas to remember when preparing to go to college:
1) You have worked hard to get to this point. Your school would likely not have accepted you if you didn’t demonstrate the basic skills to succeed. Doubts and fears are not facts. They are just doubts and fears. They are just thoughts and feelings. They are not actual predictions of the future.
2) It’s perfectly normal to have some anxiety when going into a new situation. If you didn’t feel anything that would be weird. Feelings are normal and will pass. You can handle challenging situations.
3) If you don’t like your roommate, you can learn to live with it for a year and it can be an opportunity to accept someone different and work on improving your assertiveness and communication skills.
4) If your classes are too hard, think of if as an opportunity to work on improving your study and organization skills. Or maybe you should take classes that are a better fit for your interests and skills. That is okay and normal. You don’t have to have it all figured out before you start. That’s what the path is all about. You will learn more and more about yourself each semester.
5) If you miss your family a lot, then that is a good sign that you have a heart. You can find ways to stay in touch and connected. And you realize close relationships are important to you, so you can work to build relationships with some of the new people you are meeting.
6) If there is something that feels too hard to handle, you can get help, make changes, be pro-active and be proud of yourself for overcoming your struggles.
7) Exploring what is important to you and identifying your values is right on target for where you are developmentally. You probably grew up hearing many messages about religion, politics, race, sex, love, etc. Now is the time to reflect back and figure out what makes sense to you and what you believe in. There is no right and wrong. As you grow as a young adult it is perfectly normal to explore issues related to spirituality, religion, politics, gender identity, and sexual orientation. If your family is not supportive of you in this process, you will find other caring individuals who can be non-judgmental and accepting of all our similarities as well as our differences.
8) Don’t beat yourself up literally or figuratively. No one is perfect and that is okay. We are all learning as we go. If you feel overwhelmed and alone, reach out for help. Your school may offer mental health services on campus or may have referrals in your community nearby.
9) Enjoy this next phase in your life. You are growing up and you don’t have to do it all at once. Enjoy the step by step process. There is no rush and no right or wrong way to do it. You can figure out what your path will look like along the way.
If you want to learn more about cognitive behavioral therapy and are having some struggles adjusting to college life, please click on my online scheduler below and chose initial phone consultation.
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